Pumpkin Spice Lube, Lubricant | Glamour

May 2024 · 2 minute read

And Astroglide tweeted this:

— Astroglide (@Astroglide) September 12, 2014

Pretty funny, right? Except...what if pumpkin spice lube were a thing? Would that really be so bad? After thinking about it, it's almost silly that it doesn't exist. This is pumpkin spice we're talking about. Something as beloved and American as deep dish pizza. Someone must have made pumpkin spice lube, right? Anyone? Bueller?

To begin our research, we began with Starbucks. The so-called "special sauce" of the brand's beloved latte is Fontana Pumpkin Spice Sauce, an actual retail product that you can buy. However, the ingredients might not be safe for your private parts, and the sugar in this syrupy treat makes it especially ill-suited for any sort of sex act (so steer clear, intrepid DIY lube people, unless you want to risk an infection). Now, is there any actual lubricant flavored like pumpkin spice?

We think we have a lead. Two, in fact. Lubricant maker Emotion Lotion did have a Pumpkin Pie flavor at one time. It appears to have been discontinued, but you can find it at smaller sex stores and in some remote places on the internet. Good Clean Love currently makes a cinnamon vanilla flavor lube that one retailer calls "one of the most popular aphrodisiac blends around…think pumpkin pie."

So, pumpkin spice lube may exist. Sort of. If it never officially hits the market, here's the closest thing we'll have: Harry Styles, in a man bun, holding a pumpkin:

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